Why Do You Blog?

So, I've been reading a lot of different blogs lately, and with the overcast day and emotions running high, I've decided to post my journal from today.

Why do you blog?

Is it to say something in the privacy and anonymity of a bubble? Or to give a detailed and itemized description of what you ate? To keep your family apprised on your adventures and goings on? Or is it a venue to give the world your view of the political shortcoming of a country? Maybe you blog when you don’t know what to say in the real world. Maybe when confronted with real life, you become overwhelmed and unable to properly embrace your feeling and ideas. It becomes easier to be an observer who never has to define or defend a single thought, value or ideal. It’s easy to take a back seat to life. To watch the world around you go by, never offering an insight or make a personal connection. The problem then becomes a question. Who are you? Or “How can you navigate life through words kept to yourself?” “What kind of personal connections can you make when you are the one sitting alone waiting for others to come to you?”

Sometimes writing is good for the soul. You can describe things and feel things on a different level. The stork chattering to its mate or the e.e. cummings like view on a balcony can only be described in words. It makes sense. But sometimes you need to use those words. Hiding won’t work. You think you don’t have to worry about what people consider important or how your ideas and feelings will affect them. But the sad thing is that in hiding you are underestimating the company you keep. You could be the one to inspire or transform, but instead you are play acting; showing the world one face and writing the world another.

It becomes difficult to tell the difference. What happens when you can’t speak the convictions of your soul? What do you become? A dreamer? Maybe you become someone who can’t take a man at his word. Maybe when a man says he’s bad, he is. Sometimes people are not hiding behind words, sometimes they are speaking the truth and it takes practice to hear it.

So the answer is to speak. Be courageous. Only by talking can we be heard. Writing about it later can’t change things now. Don’t use others’ words as your own. Don’t use others’ experiences as yours. Be in the moment. Don’t let your song be under your breath. You want a mate, a friend, a relationship? Then “be”.

Is this being too sentimental? We feel. Sometimes not all at once. Sometimes in our quietest moments we feel the most. Sometimes we are taught by experiences that feeling outwardly will get us hurt, so we show only a little at a time. But if we only feel inwardly, we won’t get what we want outwardly. And though we want someone to “get” us, to really understand our innermost feelings, we must start by saying. We must be vulnerable not only in our quietest moments, but in the loudest ones too. Only when we allow ourselves to shine through, can we have the kind of relationships we are inwardly hoping for.

This is what I hope my blog is. This and a description of the food I ate, my thoughts about being in a country very different than my own, my adventures and searches to find the perfect pair of shoes, because that’s who I am.

Love for Donkeys

So, when I left my village a few weeks ago and came here I wondered if I'd miss the country life. At first it was quiet and peaceful. I found myself sleeping later, wondering around my apartment in the quiet wondering what was missing. Then it hit me. Where are the animals?

Now, I come from the city via the suburbs of Minneapolis. The only animals one might hear are some squirrels scratching at the window screen, a random dog in the yard which is silenced by an owner's harsh word, and on occasion a domestic argument. But here, I lived at the very end of town. I had chickens, turkeys, 2 dogs, and a goat. The neighbors had goats, horses, cows, chickens, pigeons, and various dogs and cats. There was ALWAYS noise. If not from barnyard animals, then from the plethora of children in the neighborhood yelling and playing all day and all night.

I woke every morning to my rooster. It even came with a snooze alarm. I had a 4:30 wake up call, followed by a 5:30, 6:00 and 6:30 snooze button. On the way to the bathroom I'd pass my rooster and his lovely lady friend, a plump turkey who idolized him, following him around all day long. They would follow me to the "bathroom" and stand guard as I did my business and said,"Good Morning" to the neighbor's goat who liked to eat next to my outhouse.

On the way to school I pass the cow calves chained to the corner and my donkey who oversaw my whole neighborhood. To give directions I would say "Walk down this road until you come to my donkey and turn right." My sisters are probably laughing because they are the animal lovers, rescuing cats, dogs, horses; anything that might need love. They are used to the smell of animal feces on the road and the ability to side step poop while walking. I on the other hand have had my head down for 2 months making sure I didn't ruin my shoes.

So here, in my new place, I began to miss the noise. Until..... one day not too long after I moved in.........I heard it. The complaining braying of a donkey. Looking out my window I discovered not one, but 2! And each stood guard on the corners of my street. Now I can say again, "Go to the end of the street, turn right at the donkey." They are the guardians of my neighborhood.

I am home.

I'm Home

I'm on day 5 of living in my new home in Bulgaria. And although I LOVE my new place, I am feeling a little lonely. I am in a place where there were 6 volunteers for the last 11 weeks, and we were at a site 3 miles away. We were always here. We met up,shopped, drank, and hung out. Now I go to these places and expect to see someone I know sauntering down the street, knowing they will stop for a chat and maybe a beer. But there they are not here. Don't get me wrong. I am happy here. I have a great teaching counterpart and 2 B-25 volunteers here. I also have 2 B-26 friends of mine super close too, but the day to day contact I want with people is hard to get used to.

This transition we've been on has been challenging. Just when we get settled in one place and with one set of expectations, it's over and we have to adjust once again. I know that I can wait it out. In a few weeks I will be active and busy, but today, I have to make a plan to leave my apartment.

On a positive note, I went to Vratsa yesterday to get my identification card. Lots of volunteers said that it was a hassle. They waited in line and were told to come back multiple times. My counterpart, Sveti, and I walked right into the immigration office, filled out the paperwork, and when I went to pay the 63 leva, the woman said that they don't charge volunteers. Super easy and nice. I treated Sveti to some gelato. Her friend drove us in his car, but wouldn't take any money for gas (gas is super expensive here). The good heartedness of people here touches me everyday. My landlords fed me, let me use their internet, and had their son help me buy a router for wireless after he'd been up all night working at the bus station. They took me grocery shopping and got me a new television. I am blessed. I hope that my language will progress quickly so I can convey my gratitude and appreciation for/to them.

Ok, enough emotional ramblings. Here are some update pictures. Mostly of our swearing in ceremony and my new place. If you are my friend of Facebook, you've already seen them. If not, enjoy.

Down to the Last Week

I am finishing my last week of PST here in Bulgaria. What does that mean? Well, it means that I have to take a long verbal test on Tuesday, say goodbye to my family and friends in my town on Wednesday, go to Vratsa on Thurs, and then again on Friday for the graduation ceremony, and lastly, move to my permanent site. I am happy to be done. I can't lie. It's getting more difficult every day to follow rules that are in place for people much younger than myself. I find that I don't have as much patience now as I did 2 months ago. I am looking forward to some quiet alone time for the month of August. Maybe even some time at the local pool working on my tan.

My group went to Sophia on Friday to have out last interviews with the Peace Corps staff. How is everything going? Are you still able and willing to serve? Things like that. Sled Tova (after that), we toured Sophia a little. Our language trainer has a place here so we had a "local" tour guide. I must say, it's TOO BIG for me, and I come from a larger city. Sophia has 3 million and Mpls has 300,000. It doesn't compare. When Radi asked if it was like home, I couldn't explain the difference. It's too vast. Sophia reminds me of New York, in that it has so many people and shops, and advertisements. It's hard to move around in and confusing. I'm not sure I could travel there by myself. It was nice to get home to my town of 2,100.

Although things here are coming to an end, I am getting a little nervous to be on

my own. I still not confident buying food in a store. I don't know what the things are let alone how to cook them. But I guess that means I can be creative. Who will meet me for a beer or a soda at any given moment of the day? I know I have some B25's in town, but I need my B26's. I'm sure things will even out soon and I will be as busy as ever, but for now I am going to let these feelings roll around inside my head.

Yesterday, Kate, her host family and I went to the panorama near Pleven. It is a painting telling the war of 1877 between the Russians and the Turks. But if you ask

a Bulgarian, and we did, they will say that Russia

didn't liberate them. They fought and liberated themselves. The painting was painted in 1977 and put in a big concrete building. I thought it was amazing.

That's all for now. Next post will be from my permanent site. Yippee!!

Almost 2 Months Gone

Last week was Roma Culture day in Vratsa. We went to the Hub center where we were able to listen to a panel discuss Roma culture in Bulgarian. I don't know what to say except that it is a relationship that is long and emotional. But looking at these photos and watching them perform I saw joy and a freedom that made me smile.

It was also the beginning of Summer School in our town. We have the students for an hour everyday. We mix teaching English with games and hope to give the students an idea of what different techniques can be used in the classroom. Something a little

different than what they are used to in Bulgaria.

Here is my class mixed with Kate's to play a word game, my Boyz, and my 5/6th grade class.

I know that I haven't been able to post so many pictures so here are some:

Kids' Day in our town. They had a butter "Puffy" eating contest and the winner got.................. More Puffy's!

Lastly, this is a group of children in our town who wanted to furt

her their experiences. They got together to form a group, THE SUN, and they meet without an adult, govern themselves, and put on performances for the town. They write their own plays, play music, study art and in these pictures put together a small museum of the town's history. ENJOY!!!!

Oh yeah, and here's my baba and her singing group. She's the one in the middle with the brown coat.

Permanent Site Placement

This past weekend all 87 met in Vratsa to get our permanent site placements. We would spend 4 days in Vratsa, then travel with our Bulgarian Counterpart to our new sites for a 2 day visit. In Vratsa, the Peace Corps drew a huge map of Bulgaria, layed out colored pieces of paper with village names on them (color coded for each program), and called each person's name and announced where they would be placed. Each person was given a carnation and a packet of information about their new site.
My site is about 7 miles from where I currently am now. Everyone laughed because we were told to bring piece of our luggage to take to our new site so it would be easier traveling later. I had to drag my heavy piece of luggage for 20 minutes on a rocky dirt road from my baba's house to the bus stop. Lug it on a bus to the next town, load it on another bus to Vratsa, then walk 2 miles (about) with it to the hotel. Then I found out that I was basically going back to my village. So then I had to reverse the whole process. Everyone laughed.

I will be living in a house (more like an apartment) in B__ S___, the town close to where I will teach. A fellow teacher at my new school and her family live downstairs. I live on the second floor with a bedroom, living room (and small balcony), and posssibly the smallest kitchen ever. It has a sink, small stove/oven (think oversized toaster oven with a hot plate on top) and through another door in the kitchen is the bathroom (water heater, toilet :) and shower).

For these days I have eaten with my new family. They are very nice and helpful. The mother is a wonderful cook. I haven't had "home cooking" since I've been here. My baba is a reheater of frozen food. I think I may just gain back the weight I've lost here in the next few days. It will be a big shock when I have to buy and cook for myself.

Today I am visiting my new school, meeting the director and teachers, and looking over the texts I will use in the fall. Later we will walk around the village and go back to Byala Slatina to go to the weekly Bazar. I can't wait to see what it is like.

I will post pictures soon. My camera battery is dead, so I have to get a new one and get some pictures from a friend's camera.

Love to all!

It's HOT here!

You all get to read 2 posts at one time. I just finished the last one and now I will write a quick something. Sorry no photos. I have some of the "field trip" we went on, but left my camera at home and it's too hot and too far to get it. So next time I post I will put them up.

We had our permanent site placement interviews this week. I think they went well but I am still not sure where they will put me. We find out this Thursday. Then on Sunday we travel with our teaching/English speaking counterparts to our permanent site to see the town, and meet the people and teachers. Then we have to find our way back to our training site on our own. Hopefully I can do this. If not, I might be seeing another part of Bulgaria I haven't seen before.

We also have our mid term language test this week. I hope I do ok. It's just a gauge as to where you are and what you need to concentrate on. I have no idea how I am doing. I am understanding more everyday so hopefully that will prove useful on this test.

The weather turned hot. It's about 90 in the shade and I don't even have a fan at home. It will have to be like living at 1526 LaSalle and cold shower it before bed.

That is all. It's too hot.