It's Almost Spring!

That means my birthday week. :)

I'm 37! Lookin' good, right?

Megan and Evan at a cute little hostel in Sofia. It's owned and run by an old man who loves PC volunteers.

A small portion of my Baba Marta bracelets. Love them!

This is an email that I sent to my parents and I realized it made a good blog. Enjoy!

Hey parents!

I got your note and realized I haven't written or blogged for awhile. So I'll give you a small rundown of the goings on here in Bulgaria.

Winter came and it was not as cold as people said it would be. Maybe it's because I'm from MN, but it never got below zero. But that's not to say I wasn't cold. It's a different cold. My apartment is cold, I walk ALOT outside and it's cold, my school is cold.... so you get the picture.

Now it's getting warmer. There's more sun too. It's nice to wake up and have some light to see the icy roads by. And it's nice to know that my walk home will be lighter longer too. I've started to see livestock out of doors too. Donkey carts are more frequent and I've seen small herds of goats and cows out once in awhile. Can't wait till my 2 donkeys who live on my corner come back. I miss the annoyed donkey who's braying sounds like whining. I am also excited to open my doors and use my living room again, to be able to wash more laundry at a time and hang it outside to dry. There's nothing like the smell of fresh laundry dried outside (unless it's plastic burning day). I am also ready to take off my socks. I wear knee highs and another pair of wool socks daily, and my feet are itching to be free (maybe the itching is the dry skin, who knows?). Also I want to show off my guns (my arms). Doing laundry by hand for 7 months and wringing out pants, jeans and the like have done wonders for the shape of my arms. I might even wear a tank top this summer.

My students are struggling, but we are going to succeed! We are all tired, cold and frustrated. They don't want to work and neither do I. I think when the sun shines and the weather turns warmer, we will all learn more. We have more volunteers coming in about a month. Popitsa will have 5 volunteers. My baba will have another girl too. I'm a little worried, because it was so hard for me, I'm afraid how another person will get on with her. I guess it's good that I am so close. I can come over if there is an emergency. But for the most part, I will stay away. This new girl will have to struggle through just like I did. It made me a better volunteer and forced me to sit and be quiet. To be able to be in a an uncomfortable situation for long periods of time and know that it will be alright. The village I teach in will get more volunteers too. I am excited because they will be helping me with my classes. I'm already planning and for the things we can do in small groups.

What else? My birthday! What a birthday week! It started with Baba Marta day. A day to celebrate spring and where people give red and white bracelets and pins to everyone. So I started my birthday week getting around 50 bracelets. But I spent the week before making 125 bracelets for all the students I teach. I also crocheted red and white flowers and attached them to pins for the teachers and co-workers at my school. Lots of work, but totally worth it.

Then on Wednesday, I went to Sofia where there was party for Peace Corps to celebrate 50 years of service and 20 years in Bulgaria. Lots of big wigs spoke, including the ambassador to Bulgaria. We felt important. Then I spent the weekend there in Sofia eating our way through foods we hadn't eaten in awhile. We had McDonald's, Chinese, Burger King, and Russian food. I had the most delicious beef stroganoff. Man! And of course Russian vodka. Which led to dancing.....

Today my co-workers gave me a birthday present... a pretty silver necklace, a shirt (that actually fits) and some perfume. I am so lucky to work where I do. The people there are so warm hearted and generous. I told them that I was so lucky to have them. I think I embarrassed them, but they give me so much and I always get overwhelmed and a little teary-eyed. They make this experience here.

Tomorrow is Women's Day. It's also considered Mother's Day. Kids are making cards and buying flowers along with all the men here. It's nice that they are appreciated. They work so hard in a place where men dominate. But we know who keeps the families fed, loved and life rolling along here. I am honored to be a part of it.

So on that note, Happy Mother's Day mom! Love you!

Love,

Kristin

The Holidays

Happy New Year everyone!

This blog is going to be dedicatedto the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's.

So let's get started.

Thanksgiving. It seems so long ago. What a different experience here. Instead of gathering with family, we got together with our make shift family here. There were 7 volunteers and 3 Bulgarians. I mustsay that I liked having a big meal with friends. Low key and low stress. We went to my friend Mary's house. She lives inthe next town over from me. Megan came a day early and we got to have some fun VIP time. We ate pizza and drank cocktails. Then like at home, we got up early to start cooking. I wantedto make green bean casserole, apple walnut bread, pickle rollups and a veggietray. As muchas that sounds "traditional" it wasn't. I made "homemade" mushroom sauce, and instead of sliced ham, I used prochutto. But all in all, I'd say the meal was a success. Mary made the best turkey I've ever eaten. And to be with friends cooking, talking, laughing, eating, and playing games is probably the best thing about this holiday. I even think the Bulgarians liked it.

Christmas:

Kate came back to spendtime with her host family. She invited me, so on Christmas Eve the two of us went back to Popitsa and spent a "traditional" Bulgarian Christmas. Dinner was vegetarian only. Also we had to eat either 9 or 12 dishes. 9 for the number ofmonths Mary was pregnant with Jesus, or 12 for the number of months in the year. We also ate biscuits that had money hidden in one of them. Whoever found the money would have luck for the year. Guess who found it? Yup, me! Whoot Whoot! Candles were lit and incense was wafted around the room. I think it was actually frankensence. Christmas day was filled with "na gosti". Kate and I went to visit mybaba, Johnny. She was cooking like a mad woman. Her grandson was supposed to come, but had to stay in Sofia and work. He was sending his friends over to pick up the food and deliver it to him. She didn't have a lot of time tochat, but we talked around her cooking. It's nice to have more language where I can actually have a conversation with her now. Not just nodding and pretending to know what she's talking about. But don't get me wrong, there's A LOT of things she says that Ihave no idea about. Sometimes I thinks she's speaking something other than Bulgarian to me. But when we get frustrated, we just laugh and hug each other. After Johnny it was on to Marianna and Roosi's. They were Megan's host family. Their 2 children were home for the holidays, so our quick stop turned into a 5 hour "na gosti" with food and LOTS of wine. Boy does my Bulgarian get better with liquor. We laughed, talked, gossiped and reminisced about the past summer.

Then to round out the holiday, Kate planned a celebration for the children in Popitsa. We handed out flyers and talked to the librarian and on Tues. we met at the Chitalishte and crafted, colored, played bingo, and had a huge snowball fight. We onlyhad a few kids, but it was fun. The children enjoyed it and we loved being back in our village. Mary came too and got to experience the kids. They are amazing. Mostof the kids that came are part of the "Sunshine" club. They are self governed and prepare plays, art and other "extra" activities that they don't get in school. So for us, they dressed as Santa, Snow White (she's a big part of Christmas here) and Rudolph. They gave speeches and handed out gifts. What an amazing group of young people. Kids back home could take alesson or two from them.

New Year's:

Megan, Kerri and I spent 4 days in Istanbul, Turkey. We took an overnight bus and arrived at 6 am. It gave us time to settle in, take a small nap and hit the town running. Our only "glitch" was that the hostel we booked went out of business the week before and didn't tell us. So as we were standing outside, a man from the neighboring cafe came over and told us the bad news. Let the panic start. But after awhile, we found a Best Western (can't be any more American than that, right?). The man at the information desk was very helpful, since we couldn't afford to stay there (200 euro/night). We were brought a block away to another smaller hotel where we negotiated a price of $90 US dollars a night for the 3 of us. Perfect. So we took out our tour guide book and map and proceeded to see all the sights Istanbul had to offer. I was amazed at all the people. Not amazed because there were a lot, but because I heard so many different languages and no one looked alike. I made a game for myself to try to figure out the language and where the person was from. Lots of people from Germany and other Scandinavian countries. I fit in.

So, the sights. We had a "top 9" list from Phil Rudy, our Peace Corps PTO. So here is our list in no particular order:

1. Basilica Cistern- built as a underwater storage tank. The roof is supported by 336 pillars and 2 upside down medusa heads. No one knows why they are upside down, but they look cool.

2. Blue Mosque- there are 6 minarets. Legend says that they sultan wanted gold minarets and the word for gold and 6 are so similar that he got 6 instead of gold. But he was happy because at that time no other mosque outside of Mecca had 6. It's a beautiful place. Wide spacious and filled with stained glass and colored tiles. I never get tired of seeing them.

3. Haghia Sophia- originally a church, it was converted to a mosque in the 15th century. The mosaics were plastered over and centuries later the plaster started to chip, revealing the beautiful mosaics of Christ, John the Baptist, and the Virgin Mary. There is a Weeping Pillar where it is said that if you can put your thumb in and turn your hand all the way around, your wish will come true. It's harder than it seems.

4. Boat Tour- We took a tour of the Golden Horn by boat. It was our change to see the magnificent palaces on the water and also to boast that we were in Asia. Fun way to see the sights.

5. Spice Market- All I can say is "WOW". It's like the Grand Bazar only with spices. So many people, so many beautiful colors. I don't think I can describe with words. You must see the pictures.

6. Galata Tower- think Eiffel Tower but on a smaller scale. Take an elevator to the top and get a fantastic look at Istanbul.

7. Grand Bazar- probably the most touristy thing todo. Blocks and blocks of shops selling everything from jewelry to souviners, to carpets. Like the Spice Market it was overwhelming. So many people and merchants haggling over prices. My favorite part was watching the young men run around delivering tea to the shop owners and picking empty cups and saucers hidden around the bazar. It was like and easter egg hunt.

8. Topkapi Palace-- It is supposed to house the Prophet Muhammed's cloak and sword. I saw cloaks and swords. I liked to think they were all his. Lots of jewels and relics to look at. It was so big. Hard to imagine people actually living there. There was a separate place for the Sultan's harem but it cost more money to get in, and there were so many people we decided not to go in.

9. Salep Drink- warm milk with honey, cinnamon and other things added. It sort of tasted like liquid pudding. Drink it fast (not too fast because itHOT) because it gets a skin on the top.

10. Turkish Bath- this was the best think I did in Turkey. Also I felt quite courageous. We paid our money and got a sarong, panties and a token. Then having changed into the panties and sarong we wereushered into a large room with LOTS of other naked women. In the center of the room was a large round slab. The entire room was hot (sauna). We waited in the middle of the circle waiting for a free Turkish woman to bathe us. One called us over and after laying on your open sarong, the half naked woman took soap and began scrubbing every inch of your exposed body. 8 months of Bulgarian dirt gone. After, the woman ushered you into a smaller atrium where she washed your hair. Very relaxing.When you were done, you could go into the bath house (like a whirlpool, minus the whirl) and relax in the hot water. If you got too hot, you could go back into the big room and use the fountains of cool water to cool off. When we were thoroughly relaxed, we traded our sarong for a big warm towel and sat in the salon on comfy couches with hot Turkish Tea. Wow.

So there is my update for the holidays. Such a fun experience to break away from "tradition" to learn about others' and to create new memories. I feel so lucky to be able to travel and see new things and experience new things.

New Year's resolution: To be more fearless. And to train and run the 10k in Greece in the fall.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and made your own memories.

Love,

Kristin

This is NOT a Vacation

Some people call Peace Corps Bulgaria the "Posh Corps". We have internet. We have access to shops, transportation, and some of us even have washing machines. I understand the term. But some people think that having these conveniences makes our service less difficult. That we may even be on a vacation of sorts.

Well, we are not. We struggle just as much as other volunteers in other countries do. We, too are trying to navigate through a completely different language, culture and expectations. We wake up to unfamiliar views outside our windows and wander around towns where we are stared at continuously. Though we may have some of the conveniences of "home", sometimes it makes being here even harder.

Some days I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to sit and not contribute. I don't know how to wait. I want things to happen in my time frame. I want to understand. Not just the language, but the culture. I want to know why I can't have all the information now. I want to feel relaxed. I want to be looked at like a member of the community, not the outsider. I want more time to think.

Sometimes here is harder than if I would've gone to say, Africa. That to me is the quintesential Peace Corps experience. The one that everyone understands. Living in a grass hut, etc. etc. But here, there are large cities with all kinds of shopping, food, and other worldly things. I can get almost any name brand thing I want. I just have to travel to find it. That makes this all even harder. The juxtaposition of life in a village and the metropolis of the big cities is huge. Talk about a GAP. The potential here is so great, yet sometimes it seems so out of reach.

Then that begs the question, "Is western influence necessary?" I like that I walk everywhere. That my food is as "organic" as you can get. That chopping wood, hand washing clothes and making a meal for a meal's sake each day is not only necessary, but enjoyable. Is convenience such a good thing? We are used to it at home and don't even think about it most days. If we want to go visit someone, we just get in our car and drive. Here I have to coordinate train and bus schedules along with where will I stay because getting somewhere is easier than getting home. I can't just grab a quick bus to the next town over to see a friend (regardless that she only lives a 20 min. car ride away). But I don't take these things for granted anymore. It makes the times spent with people more precious. And to note, back home everyone is trying to get away from "convenience" and are turning to "homemade". So why do we want things to be faster here. See the problem? I want things faster yet at the same time I love the slower paced life. This is no vacation.

Some people forget. They make it about themselves. Why don't you write more.... Well, I'm trying to learn a language, make meaningful relationships here, teach children to care, find my inspiration, and somedays try to find the good. So this is my explaination. It's hard here. It's hard to hear about life back home. It's hard to care about things that go on there when it sounds selfish to even have those issues here. Your job is hard, your principal is not understanding, your snowblower doesn't work, you don't have heat, you want a new car, your boyfriend doesn't call you everyday, you don't have any money. It's hard to keep the ties.

But, I wouldn't change this experience for anything in the world. I've learned more about myself in the last 6 months than I ever thought I would. I've found my voice in some ways. I have to ask for what I want and what I need. I don't feel bad saying that. I have more patience than I thought I could ever possess. And I thought I was patient before. I am stronger, older, more confident, more caring, happier, and more creative. As hard as it can be here, some days I can't picture myself leaving. I can't picture myself going "home". Maybe this is the stepping stone for a life abroad.

Ok enough rambling. Hope this gives you an idea of how I'm handling myself here. The next post hopefully will be more descriptive about Bulgaria. My town and it's people.

I'm Not An Orgy Cuddler

Having said that, I am a monogamous cuddler. What I mean, I can handle one person at a time. And most days, I can't even handle that. I've read Adrienne's blog where she described a conversation with her friend about the appropriate amount of time to wait until you call a person of interest back. Is there a time limit? Is there a game to be played? I've come to the conclusion that there is. Is today my day to call or is it his? When he said he was going to be on Skype tonight does that mean my time or his? Or does that mean he'll be on talking to others and not me? How long is too long? How much is too much?

I just got an email from a friend of mine at home where she spills her vulnerability out like a gaping wound. It's difficult to put yourself out there for someone and then be left dangling. I know, I've been there. Is he really just busy, or just too busy for me? How do we let ourselves feel, yet guard the most precious of ourselves?

I am the type of person to give my all to you. If I feel that you are worthy, and by worthy, I really mean needy, then I will give you everything. Never mind what I need. I will give you my money, my time, my heart, my soul. I will bleed myself dry for you. And where has that gotten me? Nowhere.

So I instead of finding the balance, I swing the other way, like a midevil pendulum. I give you nothing. I guard myself only allowing the parts of me to show that I allow. Nothing fazes me, nothing hurts me. I am carefree. And where has that gotten me? Nowhere either.

Here is what I wrote to that friend back home today. Good luck out there everyone. Sending stars to you all!

Don't feel bad about "letting someone in". It's a good thing. It means we care. Sometimes I forget that I have that capability. Mostly I just feel numb towards everything, relying on my "fight or flight" instinct. I've been here 6 months and I am still waiting "for the other shoe to drop". Like something will go wrong. Maybe I'm afraid that my capability to love is too big. That once I start letting everyone and anyone in I won't be able to let go and that scares me, because I know that I will have to.

Take Care. Don't let your head get the best of you. Try to keep talking to him. Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. Once you know you can act. Not knowing means not acting. That's the hardest thing. Just a little something I learned lately. Still trying to act on it myself.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!

3rd Grade Trying to help.

It's Halloween time here in Bulgaria. Now at home, I generally don't do much for Halloween. I mean I don't even really like it. It's always so hard to come up with a costume idea that is cute yet easy. At school we don't really celebrate it. I mean it's middle school so they can't dress up at school and they are too old for the games that they played in elementary school. Some go trick-or-treating, but they are at the age where it's too old.

But here, Halloween in new. It's a novel idea and everyone loves it! My 6th graders had a great time playing BINGO and "Wrap the Mummy" with toilet paper. They made masks and LOVED the candy.

My 3rd graders today were even more excited. They wore their own costumes and we made witch's hats. The hats were then turned upside to catch candy.

Even my counterpart got in the mood. It's funny because I can be as corny and clownish as the next elementary teacher. But to see my generally reserved counterpart put on a mask, then put on a witch's hat and "fly" around the room on her broom, it was pretty impressive. The kids liked it too.

So now I have one more grade to go: 7th. I'm sure they will be "too cool" to really get into the games or wearing the masks they decorated the other day. But who knows? Maybe they will surprise me.

Happy Halloween to all you ghosts and gobblins!

5 Months-- Already?

These are from a bar in Sophia. It's totally lit by candles. Beautiful.

So I've been here 5 months. Here's what I've learned so far:

1. When giving flowers, give an odd number. Even numbers of flowers are for the dead.

2. Never kiss in a doorway. It's bad luck.

3. When you get scared blow down your shirt. Not sure why. Maybe cool the nerves?

4. Never make a plan for anything. You can have a vague idea of what you want to happen, but when it doesn't you're not disappointed.

5. The afternoon почивка (nap, break,rest) is the best thing ever. Everyone should try it.

6. Traveling is an all day experience, even if you are only going a few hundred miles. I recently went to visit a friend and took: 2 busses, a train, a trolley and a taxi.

7. Timing is everything. But don't plan and always have a backup.

8. I can make a MEAN chicken nugget.

9. Being cold in the U.S is NOT the same as being cold in Bulgaria.

10. Things will happen in due time.

11. Bulgarian men are hard to understand.

12. When in doubt, dance it out.

13. Education is not the same everywhere, but children are.

14. Bulgaria let's me be myself without judgment.

15. I still HATE сирене and кашкавал. (Bulgarian cheese)

It's been a crazy, emotional, and exciting journey so far. I can't believe I'm almost 1/4 of the way done. The B24's just left last week and I miss them. I didn't know many of them, but the idea of them is missed. I am at the beginning and they are at the end. I wonder how they feel. Is it weird to think about going back to the Untied States? As much a I miss home sometimes, I'm not sure I could go back right now. I'm just getting used to it here and in 2 years, after I've invested my life, my love, my whole being, will I be able to leave? Those who know me, know that I don't like change and when I do decide on something, it's hard to let go. But, I'm only 5 months in. I am more worried now about making lasting relationships with the people here and with the education of the children. And what a challenge.

I've been thinking about my life before Bulgaria and how it's prepared me for being here.

Here's what has helped.

1. Living with my parents saved my sanity living with my baba and now my landlord and her family. Always being watched and questioned. Patience. I have A LOT!

2. Listening and helping friends--- self explanatory

3. Having my friend Christine tell me to talk softer--- I am never the LOUD American in a group.

4. Working with Special Education students. They need patience and life lessons. So do the children here. Many lesson plans I used back home with them are working here.

5. Cheryl Anderson. Love her and her style of teaching. I try daily to invoke her presence in my classroom. She could reform the WHOLE Bulgarian educational system if she were here.

6. My younger self. I've reconnected with her and she's fun. Watch out kids. Dancing and singing in the classroom is coming soon.

7. My smile still works. People respond to smiles and I am always smiling.

So to wrap up 5 months; I'm still happy with my decision and have made so many new friends and new experiences. I am excited to see what the next 5 will bring.

So Far

First Day of School: Children come on September 15th to bring flowers for their teacher and get their books. The older students also put on a program and sing for the new incoming Kindergardeners. It's a sweet day. Just look at these precious faces.

It's been a busy month. School started and though it's been fun, it has also been challenging. But the thing is, it's not much different than at home. Students are always trying to push the boundaries, show off for each other and get away with doing as little as possible. It's now up to me to figure out how to keep their attention while making sure they learn something. All while trying to keep myself motivated and improve my Bulgarian.

No wonder I got sick.

The weather is changing. It's chilly in the mornings and by lunch, the sun can be almost hot. As I traveled this weekend, I saw trees beginning to change. I can't wait to watch summer turn into fall into winter.

These pretty pears were enjoying the sun in friend's kitchen.

I also ran a 5k in Koynare, Bulgaria. The volunteers there asked for Volunteer participants. The race has been happening for many years. It was fun to be a part of it. We added a more relaxed, less "race" feel to the day. I think everyone enjoyed watching us run. We posed for pictures after. What a fun thing to say I did. It was also a good opportunity to get myself back into a running mindset. Now that the weather is cooler I am excited to run more. I've done a little, and the local Babas like to watch. Sometimes I get a "bravo" as I run by. It's cute.

So lastly, on a more pensive note, I've been wondering why I'm here. I am trying to be in every moment, but it's hard. I often project ahead to what will be happening, or what I want to be happening. I read other's blogs and think that I'm not doing enough. But then, what is too little, enough or too much. I try daily to use more Bulgarian, to say "Hello" to at least one more person than I did yesterday, and to plan a productive lesson for my students. Is that enough?

Enough for this post.